Couples & Marriage Therapy
What you may be experiencing:
Let’s face it, being in a relationship with another human being is difficult. No matter how much love we have for them, or how much they have for us, we each come from different backgrounds, with different upbringings, have learned different ways to receive and show love, have our own individual values, goals, and dreams. Add to that the daily stresses of life: finances, errands, work stress, children, household chores, in-laws and social plans and we’re left with a pretty perfect recipe for misunderstanding … at best.
Aside from arguments around money and children, couples also often fight about sex. Whether it’s the lack of it, jealousy, the lack of feeling desired by one or both partners, this hot topic is often at the top of the list.
Whatever the topic of the argument may be, the root of all arguments generally boils down to the same thing… neither partner feels heard or understood. This could lead you feeling disconnected from your partner. You may even be asking yourself if they even actually love you at all.
How we can help:
During the initial session you can expect the therapist to get a general understanding of your relationship. What’s working? What brought you two together in the first place? What do you still like about each other? What future goals do you have for the relationship? How committed are you to working this out?
Understanding what brought you to therapy will be next. The therapist will want to hear from both of you what your own perspective is. You see, in couples therapy, neither person is the client … the relationship is the client. And your therapist will have the unique perspective of viewing the relationship problem from both perspectives, neither wrong. By having this unique perspective, the therapist can help to reframe some of what is being communicated, and help in presenting this information in a way that is easier to digest for both you and your partner.
Throughout therapy you may also gain a deeper understanding of each other’s love languages. Contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t mean the same exact thing to each person. In therapy, you can explore how you receive (and give) love, and whether your partner receives (and gives) love in a similar way or not (most couples have different love languages).
We’ve also often heard from our clients that by their partner explaining themselves and their perspective to the therapist, they are able to hear and receive that information more easily. Reframing, using different language, or different perspectives to view the same information could be one tool your couples therapist may use in session. We have multiple therapists on our team that work with couples and each have their own approach and training (ie: Emotion Focused, Solution Focused, and/or Gottman).
After working with us:
Results vary from couple to couple, however, whichever therapist you choose, the goal is always the same, to improve communication through greater understanding of each others’ wants and needs; to ultimately feel loved by your partner in addition to meeting any goals you would have set collaboratively with your therapist.
After couples therapy, communication patterns that kept you both stuck in the past can begin to improve. You begin to notice yourselves understanding each other with greater compassion, and giving one another the benefit of the doubt. You can begin to notice yourselves reframing each others’ statements to a more balanced viewpoint. Instead of communicating from a place of blame, communication will stem from a place of emotion, using I am statements rather than you statements leading to less defensive responses from your partner and ultimately, quicker resolutions.
Better communication, greater understanding, and increased love will also bring bring you closer together emotionally, putting you in a different cycle, one that expects resolution, compassion, and understanding.
You are not alone in your relationship struggles:
Though there is no handbook on how to navigate a perfect relationship, our therapists can help navigate the rocky terrains with you.
